Meh granny never had the things that maist fowk hae the day

She never saw a T.V. Set or heard a tranny play

She never yaised a microwave and eye level grills an things

She used to yaise an auld black range an twa gas burning rings

Meh granny never ate kebabs or Chinese kerry oots

She never drank a can o` coke or tasted kiwi fruits

She never smelt the curried scent o` spicy vindaloos

An` she never (though she stayed 3 up) had stairheid barbecues

Meh granny never wore T shirts – no even in her teens –

She never wore a mini-skirt or frayed an` torn jeans

She never had her hair in spikes or dyed it green or blue

An she never had her airms tattooed or had a sniff o` glue

Meh granny never had a hoose wi` mod. cons like we hae

The kitchen was her living room, the loaby her hallway

Her carpets were but clootie rugs that she made piece by piece

An` her vacuum was a besom heid that worked wi` elbow grease

Alas meh granny`s crossed the vale ower tae the ither side

She`s sairly missed but nonetheless that`s whaur she`ll hae tae bide

Hoo`ever – should she get tae hear o` a` the things we’ve got

I`m shair she`ll shed her heavenly wings an` come back like a shot.

(With thanks to D.C. Taylor)